Friday, June 04, 2004
A, E, I, O, U, and ALWAYS Y
I don’t know how many of you closely follow the Angels media, but if you do, you may have noticed that the Halos’ skipper, Mike Scioscia, has contracted what in my estimation is a very annoying--and apparently very widespread--habit in baseball. When referring to any of his players, he picks one of their names, shortens it, and adds a ‘y’ (or ‘-ey’ as needed). I’ve heard him refer to Percy, Figgy, and “Ersty” (that one really grates my ears) so much that I want to headbutt my computer screen. So in my only way of fighting back, I have decided to refer to the Scioscia the rest of this season as. . .Scioscy (pronounced SO-shee). If he can do it, so can I. I know he’s not the only one who does it, but he’s the one that I’m reading daily, so I’m doing my part to mock all this baby talk.
I am holding you responsible for making me stick to this. If I refer to Scioscy as Mike or Mr. Scioscia or Smiley or, heck, Banana Man (whatever), I want you to e-mail me (insidethehalo@insightbb.com) and correct me. It’s for my own good. And his too. To introduce the new feature, let’s practice on our Scioscese. Take for example, Tim Salmon: Timmy. That one’s easy. How about Eckstein? Ecky.
Guerrero? Vlady, but that’s been done before. Here are a few you might see in the near future, with all the injuries: Mondy (I’ve already seen that one). Jeff DaVanon: That one a little tougher. Jeffy? DaVanny? I don’t know. Casey Kotchman: Kotchy? Ouch. That just sounds like some mutated venereal disease. And with that, I digress. . .
Let’s All Just Gripe
Not me this time. Ramon Ortiz has demanded a trade from the Angels front office should he not be returned to the rotation “in the very near future.” Can I get a show of hands on who that worries? Yeah, my hand’s not up either and it’s not because I forgot my deodorant. It’s amazing how a player’s agent can get in and muck up a team’s morale. I know it’s the agent’s job to take care of the player’s livelihood, but “Rammy” was much more team-oriented in his comments when the initial move was made. His agent claims a “44-game winner in the last 3 years” shouldn’t be in the pen. Funny he picked wins to mention. How about that 4.40 ERA in the same time? 1.36 WHIP? Or the 93 dingers (1.4 per 9IP) he allowed? Only 7 CG? Looks like they ought to give the pen a raise.
Jose: Can You Hear Me Now?
As we continue with this all-gripe, all-the-time theme, John Lackey was suspended 5 games for “hitting” Simon Pond on May 24th. If you remember that, the ball didn’t actually hit Pond and postgame Jose Guillen complained that he wasn’t “getting any help from anybody” as far as retaliation was concerned. As I said before, he must’ve missed Lackey fire at Pond’s upper torso--twice. Scioscy’s gone too for 1 game, which is what Lackey’s suspension really amounts to. Lackey will appeal, which means he could serve his time in concurrence with his appearance at a local electronics store where he’ll shave his beard to promote an electric shaver--and receive a 52-inch plasma TV and DVD player for doing what you and I do several times a week. This is what starters do with their days off, folks.
Those Three Little Words That Are So Hard To Say
“Coach, I’m hurtin’.” This is another peeve, while we’re gettin’ all the gripes out at once. Just this Tuesday I wondered whether Troy Percival was indeed hurt this season because so far he’s pretty much pitched like Troy Glaus. Yeah, he’s managed 12 saves but anyone who does more than look at the save totals knows they’ve been ugly. Well, low and behold, Wednesday he gets an MRI. He also took the opportunity to reveal that, by the way, his elbow’s been “inflamed” for the last month. Well, thanks for being so forthright, TP. Look, I know a guy’s got to make a living and no one’s ever really 100% all the time, but he’s a vet with a long leash and if your performance is hurting the team (i.e. 4 blown saves), then it’s time to open your mouth and say those three little words. Please.
On an All-New “Mending Wings”
In this episode, Percy reveals his flaming elbow is causing him problems. Garry works out and says his new arthritis medicine has done wonders. Ecky strains his hammy in a Thursday game and is given day-to-day status. Timmy and Ersty are looking to start minor league rehabs in around a week and suddenly realize that no one in mixed leagues cares. “Brendy” Donnelly throws from a mound and feels good about it. The future looks brighter his way. Glausy looks at his shoulder and screams, “WHY?!” as he is simultaneously waived in 76% of ESPN mixed leagues. Don’t miss this riveting new episode of “Mending Wings”, only being shown in ER waiting rooms of Anaheim area hospitals. Check your local listings.
Odds and Ends
From the “Hey! There IS Good News” Department, the Halos dispatched the BoSox in 2 straight this week as well as Cleveland last night. They trail only the Yankees for the baseball’s best record. After the Tribe, Interleague with the Crew and Cubs. Those’ll be fun. New instant polls and trivia are up at ITH (insidethehalo.blogspot.com) as well as all the archived columns. Go vote and help me figure out who deserves May’s Golden Fantasy Halo. June is going to be an outstanding month of ball to watch with all Interleague and Elephant Men after this weekend. Have a great weekend and please be careful out there--I wouldn’t want any of you to catch a bad case of “Kotchy.” For the Angels, Matt Allen, ESPN.
I am holding you responsible for making me stick to this. If I refer to Scioscy as Mike or Mr. Scioscia or Smiley or, heck, Banana Man (whatever), I want you to e-mail me (insidethehalo@insightbb.com) and correct me. It’s for my own good. And his too. To introduce the new feature, let’s practice on our Scioscese. Take for example, Tim Salmon: Timmy. That one’s easy. How about Eckstein? Ecky.
Guerrero? Vlady, but that’s been done before. Here are a few you might see in the near future, with all the injuries: Mondy (I’ve already seen that one). Jeff DaVanon: That one a little tougher. Jeffy? DaVanny? I don’t know. Casey Kotchman: Kotchy? Ouch. That just sounds like some mutated venereal disease. And with that, I digress. . .
Let’s All Just Gripe
Not me this time. Ramon Ortiz has demanded a trade from the Angels front office should he not be returned to the rotation “in the very near future.” Can I get a show of hands on who that worries? Yeah, my hand’s not up either and it’s not because I forgot my deodorant. It’s amazing how a player’s agent can get in and muck up a team’s morale. I know it’s the agent’s job to take care of the player’s livelihood, but “Rammy” was much more team-oriented in his comments when the initial move was made. His agent claims a “44-game winner in the last 3 years” shouldn’t be in the pen. Funny he picked wins to mention. How about that 4.40 ERA in the same time? 1.36 WHIP? Or the 93 dingers (1.4 per 9IP) he allowed? Only 7 CG? Looks like they ought to give the pen a raise.
Jose: Can You Hear Me Now?
As we continue with this all-gripe, all-the-time theme, John Lackey was suspended 5 games for “hitting” Simon Pond on May 24th. If you remember that, the ball didn’t actually hit Pond and postgame Jose Guillen complained that he wasn’t “getting any help from anybody” as far as retaliation was concerned. As I said before, he must’ve missed Lackey fire at Pond’s upper torso--twice. Scioscy’s gone too for 1 game, which is what Lackey’s suspension really amounts to. Lackey will appeal, which means he could serve his time in concurrence with his appearance at a local electronics store where he’ll shave his beard to promote an electric shaver--and receive a 52-inch plasma TV and DVD player for doing what you and I do several times a week. This is what starters do with their days off, folks.
Those Three Little Words That Are So Hard To Say
“Coach, I’m hurtin’.” This is another peeve, while we’re gettin’ all the gripes out at once. Just this Tuesday I wondered whether Troy Percival was indeed hurt this season because so far he’s pretty much pitched like Troy Glaus. Yeah, he’s managed 12 saves but anyone who does more than look at the save totals knows they’ve been ugly. Well, low and behold, Wednesday he gets an MRI. He also took the opportunity to reveal that, by the way, his elbow’s been “inflamed” for the last month. Well, thanks for being so forthright, TP. Look, I know a guy’s got to make a living and no one’s ever really 100% all the time, but he’s a vet with a long leash and if your performance is hurting the team (i.e. 4 blown saves), then it’s time to open your mouth and say those three little words. Please.
On an All-New “Mending Wings”
In this episode, Percy reveals his flaming elbow is causing him problems. Garry works out and says his new arthritis medicine has done wonders. Ecky strains his hammy in a Thursday game and is given day-to-day status. Timmy and Ersty are looking to start minor league rehabs in around a week and suddenly realize that no one in mixed leagues cares. “Brendy” Donnelly throws from a mound and feels good about it. The future looks brighter his way. Glausy looks at his shoulder and screams, “WHY?!” as he is simultaneously waived in 76% of ESPN mixed leagues. Don’t miss this riveting new episode of “Mending Wings”, only being shown in ER waiting rooms of Anaheim area hospitals. Check your local listings.
Odds and Ends
From the “Hey! There IS Good News” Department, the Halos dispatched the BoSox in 2 straight this week as well as Cleveland last night. They trail only the Yankees for the baseball’s best record. After the Tribe, Interleague with the Crew and Cubs. Those’ll be fun. New instant polls and trivia are up at ITH (insidethehalo.blogspot.com) as well as all the archived columns. Go vote and help me figure out who deserves May’s Golden Fantasy Halo. June is going to be an outstanding month of ball to watch with all Interleague and Elephant Men after this weekend. Have a great weekend and please be careful out there--I wouldn’t want any of you to catch a bad case of “Kotchy.” For the Angels, Matt Allen, ESPN.
